When are you going to have another?

You better hurry up, you are getting old.

You better get it out of the way.

Have another one. When they are older they can entertain each other and it will be easier.

GET IT OUT OF THE WAY!

But what am I getting out of the way? Diapers? Crying? No sleep? Really? That wasn't fun with the first one. Still isn't fun when she falls back into a bad sleeping pattern. What makes you think I want to start all over, or add one more to my misery.

I think the last comment I get annoyed of, because it's as if there is a displeasure in having children and popping them out like baby chickens makes it just that much easier.

Listen, I am the first to admit motherhood, parenthood better to say, is not easy. I am the first to tell a person with NO kids, to not have any, anytime soon, or shoot, not have any at all. Let's face it, having children is hard, time consuming, painful, and costly. As I sit here trying to write this blog, I have been stopped 3 times by a baby screaming "luuuh you luuuh you!" just so I can pick her up, and she can get closer to the computer. See what I mean? I just can't do my normal activities without a 1 year old tugging on my pant leg. Hmm, is she suppose to know how to manipulate me so early? I think she just punked me into getting closer to this computer.

Getting back to the subject at hand: I can't remember the last time I was able to just get up and go without having to worry about packing a baby up with me. Just going to the mall is a task. I have to remember her diaper bag with snacks, a sippy cup, a change of clothes, and a toy. Sometimes I just don't want to leave the house because of this. Sometimes I'd rather just stay home and be lazy. Not only that, I can't figure out when to shower without her getting in to something. If I wait for her to nap, that means I shower at 2 in the afternoon. An entire day, GONE. So now, I bathe with her. What I am getting at is, life has drastically changed for me. I can no longer be selfish. I can no longer just think of me. I can't nap when I'm hungover, I can't change my tampon without Maya touching the chemicals under the sink (which reminds me, I need to buy childproof locks). I can't do anything without thinking of my child.

Now you tell me, ask me, remind me, that I need to have another one. Because I'm getting old. Because my eggs are getting old. Because my husband is getting old. Because Maya needs a sibling. Because I don't want to raise her alone. Because I need to get it out of the way.

I am not going to have a baby until I am ready.

I am not going to have a baby until my body is ready.

I am not having two babies and making my life harder.

I am not going to do it to get it out of the way.

What is there to get out of the way anyway?

I am not going to have a baby because of my age.

I am not old. Neither are my eggs.

I am just NOT GOING TO DO IT.

I think a child is a decision to be made by Martin and me. Especially me, since I need to carry, nurture and deliver this baby. I'm not some sort of oven, incubator, storage system. I'm human. I'm alive. I have feelings. I experience changes. And if I, not you, not you, or you, but I - if I'm not ready, why can't one respect that? Not everyone wants to have two kids. Not everyone wants two tiny children. Not everyone feels the urgency to have another one. Some people have a hard time with one, what makes you think telling them to have 2 is encouraging and beneficial? To be quite honest, it can be insulting to a woman, to tell them to hurry up.

I am not in a hurry, nor am I ready. I am trying to live my life, my drastically changed life, with Maya and learn how to do things with her. Maybe once I get a hold of this whole mothering thing, I'll consider the next one. Until then, I'm fine with one vampire. I am fine with only having to share my love with one child. I am happy with doing all that I can for Maya. In the mean time, she's got plenty of older cousin who love her and take good care of her.

On that note, time to suction her boogery nose. See, oh joy! :|