Night Two

Scoreboard

Maya: 7

Mami: 2

The score seems like Maya is winning, but i'll catch up. I know I will.

I am happy to report that my MIL's secrets have been a success thus far. Hope I am not jinxing myself and I can't keep bossing this kid around. But so far, I got bigger balls than she does!

Last night went a little like this:

1230 wake up time. I sleepwalk to the kitchen, warm her bottle, change her diaper, wrap her up in the death swaddle, she guzzles that bitch down like a starving child in Nicaragua, and out like a light. I try and soothe her with that retarded water/gurgle/faucet sound on the bassinet. I win bitches. I. WIN.

430am wake up time momma!! fuss fuss fuss, fart fart fart. Walking zombie to the kitchen, heeeeey! Warm up the bottle. Change her diaper, death swaddle, and feed her. Again, I obviously I am starving my child because she guzzled the bottle down. The death swaddle is important prior to feed because she usually falls asleep after so she obviously won't fight it. Not this time, she's in the mood for world war III. Maya, I'm ready for the battle. Your dad is in the shower, so your screaming won't wake him. I death swaddle her, and she tries to fight out. I death swaddle again, and she's pissed this time. So what Maya, I'm pissed too. This time, tighter swaddle and a paci in your mouth! Oh and let me turn the soother on because that makes me a better mom if I turn it on and soothe you through your screams (that's how I trick myself). And motha fuggas, it worked! She knocked out. Momma wins!

So that was my night. God bless my mother in law. Didn't I tell you guys, a woman with 5 kids has got to know how to handle a naughty baby!

So I say to Maya, IN YO FACE my little demon child. In YO FACE! Love, Mami