Last night went like this...

SCOREBOARD:

Maya 7

Mami 3

Told you I'll catch up.

I was ready to send both Linda and Karen to hell last night because, after posting Maya's Dougie video on fb, they both said that payback's a b*#@ch.

A little background: my child not only inherited my bad attitude (yeah, I'll admit it), but she's got momma's stomach issues. We've noticed that she not only is forever constipated (DAMN YOU FORMULA), but she spits up/throws up a lot. So the doctor said she's probably got reflux. WTF? Heartburn problems already? Sheesh. And she's a starving Somalian baby if you saw her guzzle down the bottle like I don't feed her.

Anyway, where was I going with all of this...... (my brain doesn't work now that I don't sleep).

Let's just go back to last night. So after keeping her up for the afternoon, and making her do the dougie to see if that will wake her, I finally caved in and let her fall asleep at 830pm. So that means, if my starving child's clock is correct, next feed is at 11ish. Like clockwork, she starts to fuss at 1145 or so. I get up, perform our normal ritual - pray to the stars, sacrifice a goat for the Mayan Gods, burn a fire and run my hands over it, say the "our father" in Spanish because we all know if you say it in Spanish, God hears you faster since Latinitos are so devout and never miss church on Sunday, and put Maya back in her bassinet. Nope, she was not having it. She must've not been fully asleep because she started fighting the death swaddle. So I grab her, wrap her up, and considered getting some rope to keep the swaddle closed. I said CONSIDERED people, I didn't actually do it. If I did, I wouldn't be the first one. Watch Babies, and you will see what I'm talking about. That's where the rope idea came from at 11pm when I wanted her to go back to sleep. Moving forward. I swaddle her, give her the paci and soothe her with the sounds on the bassinet (remember, I said that makes me FEEL like a good mom despite the fact that I'm probably not) and she fights. Finally, around 1am, after roughly 10 fights, she caves in and goes MIMIS! Bam! Or wait, did I go to sleep? haha. I just didn't hear her anymore and you know what, maybe she wasn't asleep, maybe she was, but she was fine.

Hol' up, now I know why I was mentioning the reflux. So I feed her this concoction her pediatrician recommended consisting of less formula, some rice cereal, a little more water. Whatever the fuck, I do it. It sounds retarded, but I am just following this doctor's lead. And if all else fails, I'm going to just go pick up the zantac (yes heartburn medicine) for this kid. So after her 11ish feed, she yack attacked ALL OVER me. You know how, after you barf, you feel hungry again? It didn't dawn on me that she might be fighting because she's still hungry. So I get up, make a small amount of formula, give it to her, and SHE'S OUT FOR THE COUNT! KO-ED. Why didn't I do that earlier? Oh yeah, because when you are half asleep, you can't think straight.

So I won, again. She woke up at 645ish and back to sleep til 945ish. I'm telling you, I don't need to time her feeds, she eats like she's got an inner clock telling her it's time and "I must scream because my mother doesn't move fast enough to get my food!"

I won, again mother truckers!! God bless my MIL and all the MILs of the world! Amen

p.s. She's in her bassinet, just chillin like a villian with the sounds of the rainforest booming away as I ignore her to write this. I'm a great mother. I know I am.

p.s.s. She put her self to sleep. See, I'm the winner! Okay I'm going to hit the hay with her since I don't know how long this love affair with night sleep will last.