Dear....

Dearest Swaddle,

Or should I send this letter to the inventor of the swaddle? Whatever. Let's start again.

Dearest swaddle,

You have become my best friend. I knew you were good for something, but I allowed my husband, the one who still hasn't learned how to swaddle, to convince me the baby hates you. So we forgot about you 5 weeks ago or so. Since then, we've been just putting blankets on Maya and letting her sucker punch herself.

Something reminded me that you were a miracle sent from above when I am at work with screaming babies and tired parents. It calms them down to be nice and tight. So the day I decided to take back my balls and face Dracul, I realized that Dracul's weakness is, she sucker punches herself and wakes up. So I knew you would come in handy. I grabbed my handy dandy swaddle blankets and swaddled Dracul nice and tight. She, well, let's just say she wants to burn you like women burned their bras in the 60s. She hates you, with a passion. Screams, fights, fusses, and tries to find her way out. But you know what swaddle, you win everytime. I just grab her, reswaddle her, and she ends up quitting like De La Hoya with Pacman. That was the fight right? Whatever, she punks out. Or I punk her out and win the battle every single time.

Right now, after her bottle, I reswaddled her, and I heard her fussing and fighting but guess what swaddle, you work like a charm. She is sleeping like a baby. She is a baby, I know, but she's a little vampire and I am scared. You have made life easier and allowed me to not be so scared of Dracul Maya.

So I tip my hat, applaud you, pour a little malt liquor out, give you daps Mr or Miss Swaddle. From the bottom of my heart, I say thank you Swaddle, you have made life just a little easier for myself, and my vampire baby. Maya may disagree, but we don't care about her opinions.

Toodles. Gotta shower my stank ass. I have company coming over.

Love, hugs, and drugs

Claudia

p.s. Dracul slept 6 hour straight! I am doing something right! Woot Woot