At the park

I find myself desiring to leave my house,if just to go to the park, to get away from it all.
For those mom's who looooooohuuuuuuuve their newborn, I tip my hat to to you. So great and wonderful of you to Just enjoy that lil blob of a person who doesn't respond to anything, and eats, shits and sleeps.

Well let me tell you,not all of us moms looooohuuuuuve the newborn stage. Some of us don't even like whatever is considered infant too. If I could skip this all and have a wobbly half falling,smiling, giggling, sloppy kissing, food eating one year old, I would. I love toddlers. I love my toddler.

Yes I love Ama. When she's asleep. Hahaha. Hey, this shit is hard. To not sleep, to have a little human depend on you fully. Its fucking hard. So it makes one crazy and not enjoy it. I really want to sleep. I miss it. I miss sleeping in with Maya haha.

Is it selfish of me? Hell no. This keeps me sane. To get out with Maya and, get some fresh air,see her enjoy herself and just be away from my house. It is soothing. If not, I'd go bat shit crazy and maybe shake Ama. Just kidding. Don't call CPS!

So for the time being, I will enjoy the fact that my husband is unemployed and at home. Leave him with Ama since he enjoys sitting around, scratching his balls, and watching movies. While I'll get out of the house, shoot even go to target to NOT SHOP,and just feel okay,without my newborn.

Shoot me. I don't care.

Man I should have written my birth story instead of this entry. Well let's just say I wasn't the devil, I wasn't an asshole, and I pushed her out in 20 min. Boom!